3 times the sleaze, 3 times the fun!

Sexploitation, for those of you uninitiated, is a sub genre of adult film that for the most part predated the first hardcore sex films of the early to mid '70s. These low budget pictures were nudity packed with full figured women, kooky dialog, and drive-in and grindhouse theater advertising campains that promised the world in a kitchen sink, even if they didn't deliver much in the way of actual sex. Thankfully, what they lacked in hardcore action, they almost always made up for in terms of enjoyably sleazy degenerate characters and storylines right out of your favorite dime store pulp novel.

It's a unrespected type of film that is near and dear to my heart, and I sat down recently and bathed in the joys of three titles that I had never seen previously. Some of my friends tell me that they prefer to read about these movies rather than actually have to sit through them, so with that in mind, I hope you get off on reading about these as much as I adored watching them.

First off, allow me to bellow: "Wooooo-weee! I loves me a donkey cock sized dose of Southern fried cinema!" In THE NAKED RIDER, a fat inbred jackass named "Big Jim" owns everything in a small southern rural town including the women. While some of the local turks are out on a duck hunting trip, sweaty ol' Jim seduces Harry's wife Sharon at the huntin' lodge. Back at the ranch, his cute-but-bored young trophy wife Melody is imprisoned in her own home, and paid a visit by Sam (a horse trainer) who encourages her to get out of the house and come down to the stables -- if you know what I mean.

The two become fast pals and torrid boinking-buddies, but before you know it, big Jim comes home and rages off when he realizes the Missus stepped foot out of the house. Angered like the wealthy redneck he is, he stomps down to the stables and puts his "bitch" in her place and then goes out himself for a torrid midnight meeting with one of the local "colored girls". Eventually Melody grows and brain and decides to run away with Sam, which eventually and predictably leads up to a bigtime mud coated fisticuffs blowout between the two manly men. This one ends in tears.

This 1973 drive-in movie was directed by William Diehl, Jr. and is a surprisingly well told little tale well worth a look now that it's out on dvd from Something Weird Video. Previously released on video as "All the Young Wives".

1974's RAPE SQUAD (aka Act of Vengeance) opens with a woman getting attacked and raped by a hockey-mask wearing sexual predator (who predates Michael Myers and Jason Vorhees by a few years) resplendent in a butt ugly orange jumpsuit. This freaky foul-mouthed psycho actually gave me the heebee-jeebee's while forcing his prey to sing "Jingle Bells" while he did his illegal semen soaked deed.

Our poor haggered victim gets no sympathy from the chauvinist piggies down at police HQ, nor do any of the rapists many other victims for that matter. But pay no mind, it's at this police station that these women meet, bond together, and form a most unlikely super hero team -- THE RAPE SQUAD!

They take karate lessons, form a clubhouse, smash a dummy in the nards with nightsticks, dispense advice to other rape victims, pour indelible blue dye on a swingers cock who they meet in a pick-up bar, shout at men who whistle at them, kick a pimp unconscious and eventually have a crazy midnight showdown at the zoo with the man who raped them.

The film boasts a script by a woman (Betty Conklin), and while it's not an old style sexist movie (despite the fact the ladies get the idea to form their anti rapist guerrilla unit while floating completely nude in a hot tub), it's far from a feminist movie, either. It's sexploitation, and I love it. Banned in a half dozen countries, including Australia and the UK.

If this didn't contain titanic titilating traces of nudity, I'd swear by the way it was shot that it was intended to be a CBS Friday Night TV movie. No surprise then that director Bob Kelljan went on the next year to work on STARSKY AND HUTCH, and then later helmed Tv’s WONDER WOMAN, as well as episodes of CHARLIE’S ANGELS. One of the rape victims is Jo Ann Harris, who breathed life into adorable retard Ralph Wiggum during the first 3 seasons of THE SIMPSONS -- before Nancy Cartwright took over the role.

1968's OVER 18... AND READY! was filmed in gorgeous black and white, and right off the bat, after over 3 jazzy minutes of extremely cool 60's footage of the high and low lights of Los Angeles' urban night time scenery, this slow burn sexploitation classic kicks into full gear.

Lyn (Mary McRea) is a bored secretary who spends her afternoons banging the keys for her boss, the snarky Mr. Barney Merrit -- a producer of softcore adult films. But what this young, black haired lass really wants to do is act, and before long she's pestering the mogul into giving her the starring role in his latest dick stiffener. But it's not Lyns rather fat ass, pot belly, and chunky rack alone that have got Barney interested. His wife, Billie Merrit, (played by Margo Stevens) - a scary looking suburban dyke who is the brains and money behind the operation - is instantly juicy for the young secretary and pulls the appropriate strings.

When their latest leading lady makes an appearance at the Malibu home of the constantly bickering sleaze merchants, she finds out that some extracurricular boffing is expected. "You gotta turn off the freeze Lyn, and start playing baaaall." pants Barney as he rips poor Lyns undies off. "There is some rugged stuff in this film, and I figure you aughta get in some rehearsal!" Apprehensive, Lynn ends up complying with the wet, sloppy mating. After all, this is the big time.

Meanwhile, Billie the lesbian cougar (who parades around town in a leopard skin dress when she wears anything at all) has fully reeled Lyn into her intricate web of pool parties and sapphic beach romps in the buff. Before the rookie porn princess knows what hit her, she's living in Billie and Barney's Malibu home and the ol' battle axe is groping her exposed tits and running her mouth over some previously private property. Bam! Innocence crushed!
But of course, there's always another guy ready to make life complicated. Youthful Gerry (Gary M. Fox) is a up n' coming nudie photographer that's fallen head over muffins for Lyn, and he hypocritically doesn't want to see his dream girl chewed up n' spit out by the senior pornographers before he can get a shot at doing so.

As enjoyable as this film is with it's sleazy story line and gorgeous black and white cinematography by Stan Landers, it's worth noting that the entire cast of OVER 18... AND READY! is comically wooden in their delivery. It's hilarious watching Lyn's deadpan non reactions to her life slowly crumbling into degeneracy, the ironic thing being that actress Mary McCrea was probably living the life of the character she was unconvincingly trying to portray. Available from Something Weird video.